Thursday, May 20
I can't believe I'm going to be on the news tonight. You always think that because you don't know the people on the news, no one else does either. Well, now here I am on the TV screen in my own apartment. The caption under my picture says "missing person found unharmed". I am so embarrassed!!!!!
They used my driver's license picture. I hate my hair in that picture!
My sister called the police because I didn't come home after my blind date with that idiot idiot IDIOT Karen set me up with. The date was a disaster. I wanted to leave as soon as I got to the ice cream parlor and saw him sitting there. He is so dumb!! He has a combover!!!
He dresses like a science teacher from the '80's. I think I spotted a fanny pack, and he was wearing these totally retarded black pressed dress slacks! With velcro sneakers!!!! Is he kidding? I stayed a half hour, just to be nice. He's only like 40 but he looks about 80. And I would bet my LIFE he's still a virgin. I hate Karen! How lame does she think I am?
He was all excited about us sharing an ice cream sundae, but I am doing Atkins so I just told him I was lactose intolerant, which brought on a 15 minute monologue about different rare allergies, and how he was allergic to Penicillan but now he isn't because he loves blue cheese dressing or something. I finally excused myself to the bathroom, gave myself a silent pep talk that didn't work, and then I just left out the side entrance and took off.
I guess the police were questioning the guy, Herbert, because he was the last person I was seen with, and he's a weirdo.
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